Was translate Portuguese

That was actually my final thought.

Na verdade, não queria dizer mais nada.

And so just, I was... one word, ecstatic.

E por isso estava... numa palavra, em êxtase.

"Oh. How long was I gone?" 

"Quanto tempo estive fora?"

" How long was I gone?

" Quanto tempo estive fora?

"I think I was sent from the future to kill a boy." 

"Acho que fui enviada do futuro para matar um rapaz."

If you think Jesus was white, you're not allowed to have an opinion on gun control.

Se acham que Jesus era branco, não podem ter opinião sobre o controlo de armas.

Also some people in the crowd are like, "But Jesus was white." 

E algumas pessoas no público pensam : "Mas Jesus era branco."

I'm one of those people that doesn't believe in global warming, but I'm pretty sure Noah's ark was a true story.

Eu sou uma daquelas pessoas que não acredita no aquecimento global, mas tenho a certeza que a Arca de Noé foi uma história verídica.

Where the guy was warning everybody about the insane change in the weather, and everyone's like, " Shut the fuck up, Noah.

Em que o tipo avisou toda a gente sobre uma louca mudança climatérica e toda a gente disse : " Noé, cala-te, caralho.

She was like, "Why do we need a gun?" 

Ela perguntou : "Porque precisamos de uma arma?"

I was like, " I don't know.

Eu respondi : " Não sei.

"I thought it was a film."  Did you?

"Pensei que era um filme." A sério?

What if this was my whole show?

E se o meu espetáculo fosse só isso?

Was that for nothing?

Não serviu para nada?

Why was someone like, " You know what?

E porquê? Porque é que alguém pensou : " Sabes?

We didn't even know the photographer was there.

Nem sabíamos que o fotógrafo lá estava.

I was at a wedding. It was a non-alcoholic reception.

Estive num casamento que teve um copo-d'água não-alcoólico.

I was like, "I hope they get diarrhea on the honeymoon." 

Fiquei, tipo : "Espero que tenham diarreia na lua-de-mel."

I was like, " Really?

E eu, tipo : " A sério?

I was gonna say I hope they die tonight. " 

Ia dizer que espero que morram esta noite. "

I was at a show, doing a festival in Texas.

Foi num espetáculo, durante um festival no Texas.

In the gift bag there was a free Fleshlight.

E no saco-prenda estava uma Fleshlight.

If you were out on the sidewalk right now and someone pulled up in a Ferrari and was like, "Get in,"  you're not gonna be like, "But I already have a car." 

Se estivessem no passeio agora e alguém encostasse um Ferrari e dissesse : "Entra," vocês não iam dizer : "Mas eu já tenho carro."

I hope that's the point that the guy was taking an hour-long shit comes back in.

Espero que o gajo que foi cagar durante uma hora volte agora.

I was like, " You know what?

E pensei : " Sabes que mais?

If no one was ever gonna know, then, yeah, I'II have sex with it.

Se nunca ninguém vai descobrir, então, sim, eu fodo isto.

- He was better than Todd Glass.

- Ei! - Foi melhor que o Todd Glass.

was an idiot.

era um idiota.

I didn't understand why the word "be" was misspelled, but she was nice and explained it to me.

Não percebi porque a palavra "sê" estava mal escrita, mas ela foi simpática e explicou-me.

It was so overwhelming, with all the sounds and the lights and, God, that awful fountain with the water going every which way.

Foi arrasador, com todos os sons e luzes e aquela horrível fonte, com água a sair por todo o lado.

Yeah, I was annoyed.

Estava aborrecida.

So... that was weird with your dad, right?

Aquilo com o teu pai foi estranho, não achas?

Because he was. I mean, it was obvious.

Porque foi óbvio.

I went outside to the parking lot while he was working, pulled down my drawers, and plopped my nutbrown bottom on his car.

Saí enquanto ele trabalhava, baixei as calças e pus o meu rabo castanho no carro dele.

But now I'll always know that my butt was on his car, and he has no idea.

Mas sei que o meu rabo esteve no carro dele e ele nem sonha.

I called. I was very clear about what we needed.

Telefonei a avisar e fui bem clara.

Anyway, I was calling about my son, who, you know, he requires a special environment, specifically, a private dressing room, no music, dim lighting.

Seja como for, falei do meu filho que precisa de um ambiente especial. Neste caso, um vestuário privado, sem música e com pouca luz.

No! I was demonstrating!

Foi uma demonstração!

this wonderful whale shirt and this terrible leather jacket, which Zahid says will help me get chicas, which means "girls," which was the whole reason for coming.

Esta linda camisola e este horrível casaco de pele que, segundo o Zahid, me vai arranjar chicas. Significa "miúdas" e foi por isso que vim.

That was the whole point of coming?

Vieste cá para isso?

It was her idea.

A ideia foi dela.

Everything was, "Julia says this, Julia says that."

"A Julia isto, a Julia aquilo."

I was being sarcastic. You look stupid.

Estava a ser sarcástica, tens um ar parvo.

Was he having an affair?

Tinha um caso?

No, that was Casey's coach. She wasn't in her history class today.

Era o treinador da Casey, ela faltou à aula de História.

You know, it was hard when your brother was born.

Foi difícil quando o teu irmão nasceu.

It was hard having a son who... didn't smile and... look you in the eye.

Era difícil ter um filho que não sorria e não me olhava nos olhos.

And I kept thinking things would get better, and he would grow out of it, and then he was diagnosed and...

Pensava que as coisas iam melhorar, que lhe passava, mas foi diagnosticado e...

You know, Mom threw herself into all of it, with the support groups and the special diets, and she was great.

A mãe atirou-se a isso com tudo, com os grupos de apoio, as dietas e foi fantástica.

And I felt like I was just messing things up.

E senti que estava a estragar as coisas.

It was me.

Foi minha.